Ed's novella

Louise fell asleep.  She awoke when John got up.  She could here him peeing and rubbing her eyes she slowly rolled to her side and rose from the bed.  She ran her hands through her hair and stood up and went to the coat rack in the corner and put on her robe.  Louise went downstairs and poured a glass of water and went to the windows of the front room.  As Louise took a sip of water she glanced over to John's house and saw in his driveway a state trooper vehicle.  Looking at John's door she saw a trooper at the door, knocking.

“John,” Louise shouted up to the loft.  “John,” again, louder.

Louise saw John come to the railing at the edge of the loft.

“What's up?” he asked.

“Uhh,” Louise hesitated knowing that what she was about to say was going to alarm him.  “The State Troopers are at your door,” Louise said.  It was so matter of fact.  It was the kind of situation where Louise thought that there out to be some way to warn a person of impending anxiety, of the possibility of bad news.  Louise remembered when she was a child, seven years old, when her father had come into the kitchen of their house to tell her mother that her father had died in a car accident.  He had tried to tell Louise something, he had probably wanted to tell her to go get something for him so that he could be alone with her mother, but Louise's mother had turned and seen the expression on his face before he could get the words out.  Louise remembered her mother asking her father what was the matter and the silence that followed as her father tried to tell her the bad news.  He finally told Louise's mother that her father had died when Louise's mother had insisted that her father say something.  Louise could still remember the quiet after her father spoke.  Then the fear that had occupied the space between the belly button and backbone was replaced with an empty feeling.  Louise's stomach was getting that empty feeling.

“What did you say?” said John not really wondering what she said but wondering what the troopers were doing at his door and fearing the answer.

Louise could feel John stand beside her.  Wordlessly John quickly put on his clothes, slipped on his shoes and ran out Louise's door.  Louise went upstairs and put on a pair of pants and a blouse and went back to the windows to see what was going on.

Louise saw John passively listening to a trooper.  It seemed like it was a long conversation but as soon as it was over the trooper left and John went to go into his house but as soon as he opened the door Bear shot out and ran out into the street headed for Louise's house.  Louise could see John shouting at Bear and he even started to go after the dog but decided not to and went back inside.  Louise went outside donning her windbreaker as she went through the door.  Louise had let out Willow hoping that her dog would attract Bear and make it easier to take Bear home and just as Louise hoped Willow found Bear but instead of making it easier to catch him both dogs took off up the hill.  Louise let them go and went over to John's house.  Louise turned onto John's walkway and was startled when John emerged from his house.

“John is everything okay?” Louise asked painfully aware that there was nothing all right.

John looked at Louise his face tight with anxiety and his body tense with the need to get somewhere.  John paused for a moment and looked at Louise.  He seemed to be searching for something to say.

“Alice has been hurt and she's in a coma,” John blurted out.  “I have to get to the hospital.  Christ Bear's on the loose.”

“John go to the hospital.  I'll take care of Bear until you get back,” said Louise.

John nodded his head in thanks clearly emotional over the news that Alice was badly hurt.  “You don't need to keep him in your house just bring him back to mine and check on him once and a while,” said John clearly relieved that he didn't have to worry about Bear.  “Bear's food is in the kitchen in the cupboard by the sink.”  Louise could see that he wanted to say something more but instead told her he'd be in touch and left.

Louise stood in the street for awhile at a loss for what to do.  On the one hand she thought she ought to do something but it was clear that she had no role in this emergency of John's.  Louise decided that getting the dogs would give her a chance to calm down. She turned to go uphill where the dogs following the habit they'd developed over the summer, had gone.  It had been only an hour or so since Louise and John had taken the dogs for a walk but that hadn't deterred the dogs.  It was warm even though there was a slight breeze blowing and a cloud here and there.  Louise was sweating by the time she got to the top of the hill where the dogs were wrestling and growling playfully with one another and Louise stopped and watched the dogs for awhile.  Louise was upset that she couldn't help John but she had become the kind of friend that could only be a silent partner.  She could only wait.  Finally the dogs seemed to tire and when they came back toward her as a silent request to head back she turned and followed them.  Louise had been walking, not noticing her surroundings except for the labored breathing of the dogs and was surprised when she saw she was at her house.  Willow was waiting at the door while Bear had continued on to John's place.  John had the habit of taking Bear back to his house before coming over to Louise's.  Louise and John had discovered that Willow and Bear were too much to handle indoors together so John left him at his house feeding him before he left.  Bear apparently acted as if John had been with them and had run over to John's and sat on the front porch barking.  Louise let Willow into the house and then went over to John's.  As she approached Bear wagged his tail excitedly and stood up and when Louise got to the door Bear started to jump up and down in excitement.  It suddenly dawned on Louise that John hadn't left her the keys to the house so she grasped the door knob and turned.  Louise let out a breath of air as the door knob turned.  She opened the door and stood in shock at, she supposed the living room.

[Put in a description of what Louise sees]

Louise left John's house filled with questions and she had no idea when she would get the chance, or if she even would, ask John about what she'd seen.  Louise sat on her couch and leaned her head back.  Willow sat at her feet and rested her head against Louise's legs.  Louise was so tired that thought was impossible so she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before relaxing.

Louise, Willow and Bear developed a routine over the next few days: an early morning walk, short and business like for the dogs, followed by feeding.  First Louise would feed Bear and pay him some attention and then he would go to his spot in the front room and lay down.  Louise thought Bear was waiting for John because he would lay with his head facing the door head resting on his paws, left one cross over the right one.  At first Louise felt a pang of guilt when she left him like that especially when he would blink rapidly as she left as if expressing some measure of loneliness.  But when Louise opened the door Bear would close his eyes and move his head forward, almost imperceptibly, signaling, Louise thought, that it was okay for her to leave.  Then Louise would take care of Willow who'd seemed to pick up on the high emotions swirling around.  Willow would follow Louise around the house more attentively than she'd ever had.  And when it came to the noon day walk it looked like she was looking for John whenever Louise let Bear out for their noonday exercise.  Louise did not have adjust her schedule much during the mornings or afternoon, but in the evening she would have to be sure to take the dogs out early in the evening, rather than waiting for Willow to demand to be let out, so that she could make sure Bear would not make a mess in the house.

It was about a week later that she saw John come home.  It was about noon, the time when they would normally take the dogs for a walk.  She watched as John opened the door and Bear, who must have heard John coming, jumped on John in a frenzy of happiness, jumping to a fro and barking.  John smiled and knelt down and roughed up Bear in the way that Louise had seen as John's way of showing affection toward Bear.  Then Bear started running, turning at the road toward the top of the hill.  John followed walking slowly.  He never looked at Louise's house.  Louise sighed and wondered if John had decided that he couldn't see Louise anymore.  She wouldn't be surprised, she had, in fact, been preparing herself for the end of their affair, if just not seeing each other anymore could be called an end.  Louise continued to watch John and just before he went over the crest of the hill the phone rang.  Louise thought about letting the message machine get the phone but decided against and answered it herself.

“Hello,” Louise said quietly.

“Hello, is this Louise Dean?” the voice asked diffidently.

Louise didn't recognized the voice and answered it was and was about to ask who was calling when the speaker continued.

“You don't know me, thought we did meet briefly once a few months ago, but I wanted to talk to you.  My name is Alice Brand, John's wife?” the voice said.

Louise was frozen and she felt her mouth open involuntarily and her mouth became dry and her cheeks felt hot.  Louise tried to say something but nothing would come out.  The shock of hearing John's wife at the other end of the phone had somehow immobilized her.  Louise suddenly felt that her affair with John had compromised her and her residence in the neighborhood and this only added to her guilt of having been involved with John.  Louise wanted to hang up the phone but something in Alice's voice kept her from doing that.

“Hello, are you there?” asked Alice.  Louise detected a note of desperation.

“Yes. Yes, I'm here,” said Louise.

“I know it must be strange to be getting a call from me, but I wanted to talk to you before they discharged me from the hospital.  It's supposed to happen sometime tomorrow so I don't have much time.  Visiting hours don't end until nine o'clock and I would very much like it if you would come up to my hospital room so we could talk.  I promise this isn't an ambush or some kind of set up.  I want to talk about John.”

Louise was confused.  She was pretty sure most women don't seek out their husband's lover to have a chat about them, not without an ulterior purpose.  Yet Alice's voice did not seem to harbor any evil intent.  At least Louise hoped she was a good judge of Alice's intentions, at least with respect to Louise's good bodily health.  Louise was still unable to think of why Alice would want to talk to her, especially about John.  Was she going to beg her not to take her man like in the song or was she going to give Louise her blessing?  Louise had no idea.  On the other hand if Louise went to talk to Alice she might be able to find out why John had decided to cheat on his wife and Louise might also find out why John and Alice's house looked like it did.

“Ms. Dean?” Alice asked a note of hope in her voice.

“I'm here.  Just thinking,” Louise said.  Louise wanted to stall for time.  She still wasn't sure if she should go and visit Alice.  Her curiosity was great but she was embarrassed too.  Her actions would no longer be an anonymous act either through a lack of knowledge of an affair by Alice or through not knowing Alice.  One had already fallen and the other would fall when they spoke.  Louise was nervous.

“Louise?  May I call you Louise?” Alice asked.

“Sure,” said Louise.

“Louise I'm in room 335 and John won't be back until visiting hours tonight: he has some work to catch up on and now that I'm going to okay he feels better about leaving me alone for awhile.  Lunch ends at one so if you choose to come and see me I'll see you say at one thirty?”  Alice said this in a rush and was somewhat breathless Louise noted when she finished.

“Okay,” Louise said.

“Good,” Alice said with a sigh.  “I hope I'll see you after lunch.”

The dial tone came on and Louise realized she still had the phone at her ear.  She hung up and sat down on the couch.  Turning her head toward the television she glanced at the cable box to check the time:  five after one.  Louise wasn't sure what to do.  Alice's voice wasn't vindictive or threatening.  Just the opposite.  She sounded interested in Louise.  That didn't make any sense.  Yet it was the only way Louise could describe Alice's demeanor from what she heard of her on the phone.  And there was the naked curiosity Louise had about Alice and John.  Not to mention the guilt.  What would Louise say if Alice asked if she loved John?  Louise didn't but what would Alice think then?  The clock said one fifteen.  Louise didn't know why exactly, but she got up and went upstairs and put on some clean clothes.  Coming downstairs she gave Willow a pet and assurances that she'd be back soon and left for the hospital.

Louise didn't remember anything of the fifteen minute journey to the hospital.  The siren of the ambulance as it turned in front of her into the hospital parking lot brought her out of her thoughts.  Louise had been trying to talk herself out of talking to Alice, but she couldn't find a good enough excuse.  Louise decided that perhaps she needed to talk to Alice in order to confront her own irresponsibility in having an affair with John.  Louise parked in the last row of the parking lot which was nearly full of cars.  Louise went into the hospital and up to the third floor.  The nurses station was just outside the elevator.  Louise approached a nurse sitting there and asked where she would find room 335.  Louise turned, after thanking the nurse, toward where she was directed and walked slowly to Alice's room.  Louise stood at the door and looked in.  Alice lay in the bed next to the window her hear turned away from the door.  Licking her lips and taking a breath Louise walked quietly into the room.