to stuart, from jess

Stuart- I envy some of your sentences. All of these pieces have a great sense of detail and I think all of it is important to our knowledge of who the characters are. I especially like the opening of the 1st exercise (“muddy sepia splashed with pale grey clouds”) and the end of the 2nd one (“her hands were cracked and bleeding, warm and stiff”). The details really bring out the intensity of small moments and gives them meaning. The scene where Matt is grinding the leaf and we keep returning to that image is really important to his identity as a character, and it is powerful but subtle. I think maybe even powerful because it is subtle. In these moments, we also get lines dropped in about his girlfriend fucking a fry cook, which comes so quickly and casually that it also has a sense of subtly. I’ve noticed a pattern: All your main characters are bitter. I’m not going to ponder why, but I do think you do especially well with this type of character. You have some very original ways of showing their every annoyance and getting into their heads. I found the female character in the 3rd exercise really interesting. I like the perspective we get (Susan’s) of the fight scene from the 2nd exercise. Which brings me to my next point: the fight scene of exercise 2. Maybe you watch too many movies. Or maybe you’re just naturally good at writing action. Either way, I think some of the strongest elements of your writing are shown in that scene. I’ve never been able to describe a scene in detail and still have so much happening. It’s usually one or the other. The fact that the character can’t see after she gets hit because the table is in her way. The mojito in her hair. Everything pushes the scene on, but takes the time to put a vivid picture in my head. Side note: in this exercise, the point of view change originally confused me, but it’s great that you are experimenting with things like that. It’s not something I put much thought into trying myself, but I like how it works in that exercise (if you can work out the initial confusion about the scene where it changes). Once the point of view changes to Susan, I become more invested in the story. By the end, I’m wanting it to go further. That last scene is such a great one for revealing character, but I feel like I don’t know enough about her. I think you should turn that one into a longer piece. Some really beautiful writing. I have only one piece of criticism for you: your mother wouldn’t appreciate your language. -Jess