Jenni to Bryr

Hi Bryr!

Here are some reactions to your first three pieces on the blog.

Writing Exercise # 1

The language in this piece is super-cool. Through the words that you choose and the way the motion flows in the sentences, I can feel the effects of sleep (and sickness, perhaps?) on Jesus. Like in this sentence: “His eyes would spring open at the sound, the feeling, and then close again.” The first phrase has a surge of action coupled with an outside force that gives a feeling of paranoia. Then we are drawn back into Jesus with “the feeling,” and then the action is completed when his eyes close again. This series of actions keeps me closely connected to Jesus through visceral feelings as well as emotions – I dig it!

Writing Exercise # 2

I love how you establish setting through the relationship that objects and people have to each other. In the first paragraph, "The bloodhound tied under the Airstream," "a boot in the ribs," and "Ted Nugent soon poured out the horizontal window slats" all give the sense that these items work together frequently in day to day life. The images throughout this exercise are so awesome - especially the tweety nightshirt. I know these people. :) It is also interesting to see the different ways you use energetic action to divulge character information. Most of the actions that you present - waking up, driving to get gas, drinking coffee - would be slower actions in most narratives. But here they are imbued with a cool, strange energy. I'm not quite sure where it is coming from, maybe it is the fact that these characters feel slightly threatening to others who cross any boundaries. Wherever it comes from, I like it immensely.

Writing Exercise # 3

The internal monologue in this exercise is so believable. The exterior and the interior work together to form a larger narrative. Reading your writing helps me to understand how effective this method of writing can be. As in the second writing exercise, the relations between people and objects establish a great, realistic setting. Colton carrying the chemicals in buckets away from his body so that his muscles flex, the phone cord that connects the room where Rhonda is talking with the room where Colton watches her with suspicion - linking these objects with people tightens the world and makes your characters live. This style reminds me of the characters in Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. The objects that the man and the boy carry with them are important to their livelihood. In your writing, although the characters are not in immediate physical danger, the relationships between people and objects is still strong.

I really enjoyed reading your pieces on the blog. Woot for Bryr!!!